Hello, I am theo:)

Monday, January 30, 2006 { 2:14 AM }

chinese new years are boring. every year also like that. i cant go visiting, cant go shopping, because all the shops would be closed. yea..staying at home is always boring. but..what can i do? hahaas. i dont really like new years, because new years are always so messy. heheex. as in my house will always be messy. and school is going to "reopen" . hahaas..schools are usually the one giving me headaches. and wait a min. did i ever mention that i hurt myself during new year? stupid lor..i was like standing near the toilet door because i wanted to go for a bathe. then a sneeze came and i "ha chooed". the recoil was so strong that i hit head onto the wall. awww..so painful. and then later, at night, i had flu. and i think i was a little bit feverish. yeps..now i keep having headaches. hate it. if any one of you see me being very quite, sont mistaken, i'm not angry, i'm having my frequent headaches which will activate every day. at least once a day. and if you have panadol, come and offer me. heheex. but i dont eat panadol. because cherrissa(dont know if this is the correct spelling or not) told me that it'll cause some kind of cancer and it has morphine. and i found out know that i should omit this so called fan club which we set up during the last few days. from on onwards, no hitting of head. it'll cause me more headaches. so..dont hai4 me.

Thursday, January 26, 2006 { 5:16 AM }

today's lessons are rather boring. all the maths and sciences all squeezed in one day. wow. so tiring man..and today i ept trying to act as though i'm angry. but really ..sometimes when you are often bullied by someone, you'll feel angry, but i'm ok lar..because i'm often bullied. i know. early in the morning got civics moral lesson. the teacher sat there and waited for us for about 15 mins before we really started lessons. at first i thought he was like waiting for all our classmates to return before commencing the lesson, but nope. later we found out he waas actually waiting for us to stand up and greet him. and so, he started his talk on how we should be responsible and choose what we want to be with smart intelligent choices. it dragged on to until about half an hour later before talking about something more interesting. and our class was like dead quiet ok? onebody dared to talk. not even a sound. maybe what he said was right. about the respect thingy. i totally agree! hahaas. later was kee kong's lesson. i like kee kong. so funny. and i keep forgetting to bring things lar. forget this, forget that. sometimes wonder where is my brain. haiz..straight after this was dawood's lesson. i dont want him to come de ok? but he still came in the end. and..mmustafa is not dawood ok? mmustafa is someone else. dont guess wrongly. a maths and e maths so boring. during a maths lesson, i was like dreaming away. then suddenly ms cahn called my index no. and celeste was like kicking my chair. then everyone looked at me. no..at least those around me. i was like huh? what happened? and ms chan repeated," who is no. 26?" oh..so i sood up. me..i'm 26. so i went up and did the sum. i did the wrong sum ok. and it's so obvious i wasnt listening in class lar. luckily she wasnt looking at me when i was doing the sum. she was talking to some students and those people in front told me that i've did the wrong question. oh..i hate myself. i hate myself for being so unorganised. yecks. and we had a e maths quiz. quite difficult because i'm no good with inequalities. i hate that chapter seriously. tomorrow is cny celebration. this year cannot wear civiliant. must wear full u or half u. sianz..after he came, there came in with him so many changes. i dont understand why. but there came all these unnecessary changes which we think is stupid. yea..and i found out something. i think i'm having moustach. i very scared. i dont want to have it. so disgusting. imagine a girl having that? ewww...i guess i shall stop all my stupid thingy, because i dont want to be like him. i dont want! soare me all those trouble. but should at least shave all those facial hairs right? like that wont have that kind of look le mah..

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 { 5:11 AM }

today went for shooting at bedok npc. when you go there, you have to like scan your bag. hmm..i guess they are scared we bring bombs in right? hahaas. we dont bring bombs in ok? we are scared of it also(: ok..so went there in a very jerky bus. i understand what it means by the suspension spoilt. i think this is the case eh? keep bumping. hope like that i can grow taller, but dont know lar. so reacher there and went for that scan. make me like take out all the things in my pocket. so troublesome. went into the police station and guess who we saw? mr soon. actually we already saw him when we reached there. and he's with sim yee. i guess i know what happen le. so everyone started tucking in their shirts properly and pulling up their socks. ncos even more funny . they say what," see, i told you all to tuck in le. i knew he would be here. hahaa" hahaas..indeed. so we stood there for as long as half an hour. like idiots waiting for some police officer to bring us into the room. in the end they call here call there, then managed to get a room for us. and when we went up, they say dont know what, then made us wait again. after waiting for a while, they made us go upstairs. and finally, finally, we got a room. so mr lee went to get the arms and we sat there talking with the ncos. they say want to raise what funds, so we have to like sell things lor..on the day after valentines' day. and still say what will trim us. i wonder what's that. so mr lee came in with those guns and we are like suppose to try it out. then when i went to hold the gun, the gun spoilt, i had to wait. and i became the only girl who like shoot lar..all alone. sad. but nevermind. vefry tiring lar..sianz. i very scared i cannot get marksman. i dont want to be the only one who cannot get it! later after the practise, i needed the toilet urgently, so when we were dismissed, i went to the toilet. and we had to scan our bags all over again. haiz..troublesome. then after that took a bus home.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 { 5:33 AM }

there are some things i still havent learn to let go..thinking back, i feel so silly. i want to learn to let go, but i dont have the courage. i've said so so many times, but do i mean it. i told myself i mean it every single time, but when questioned by other people, i return to what i am again. how could i? i feel that my world is currently upside down. i keep deceiving myself. i'm lying again. you know..no matter who i lie to, it's alright, but i cant lie to myself. it's just not right. i sux. i dont understand what's happening to me. i'm having mood swings. sudden quite just overwhelm me all of a sudden. i'm scared. i'm very scared. i dont know what to do. ok. i shall learn to pick myself up. learn to take what i can with courage. i'm a courager aint i? today we keep talking about mr mustafa con. walao..so siao lor we all. huang lao shi keep looking at us ok? i think she thinks we are siao. and we are. so funny. go around asking if people want to join the mustafa con fan club or not. and then i became mrs mustafa. hahaas. so lame. laugh until dawood's lesson, i no strength le. i hate idiots who are racists! so what if i'm different? huh? ok..chill. i shant be angry. actually i'm not angry lar..but you know lar..my heart wont feel good de rights? i hadnt such experience before, until i entered sec 3 life. maybe that's part and parcel of growing up, but my heart..still feels upset. i finally understood what they were saying in the past few talks. my friends have been nice for these few years, but i dont expect to meet people who are so different to the rest! i'm upset. i dont have the right to feel angry and so, i cant. i know. i know. i understand. i'm having a rather bad mood these few days. i dont understand why? and i'm having constant headaches. maybe my life..is not suitable for me. too hard. i dont know what to do...can you please tell me?

Monday, January 23, 2006 { 5:40 AM }

i hate meow ok? so idiotic. early in the morning come and find fault with me..i shall endure her so called "good" attitude towards us. no..not towards us, but towards me! only me..she knows my name and guess what? she called me when i was like discussing something with si min or bi ran, i forgot and she said something like this," theodora, if you want to give comments on teachers, come and tell me straight in the face. dont talk behind me." walao..idiotic lar. then she asked us(me, bi ran and si min) to take out our files. no..she asked where's our file, then we were like saying that like saying it's in the locker..she called us to take it out, and when we took it out, and wanted to put the dividers in, she scolded us. haiz..tough life i have. i listened to her attentively during her lessons de ok? never slack de ok? nevermind..life will soon be better for me. and today so embarrassing. the handphone suddenly rang in the middle of ss tutorial. luckily the teacher is nice and asked me to switch off only. didnt confiscate. i like mondays..no tuition no nothing. so nice. and today i had a hard time..forgot this, forgot that. i cant keep being so blur can i? i hate forgetting things. and we are being disgusting by discussing those things today. but i really dont understand why is it so lor..why huh? but i think i understand. monster really very scary. indeed a monster. no wonder monster so scary. heheex..i want to join amazing race! i love amazing race!!!!! i want to go another time! how i hope atc will have amazing race also. hahaas..or acc also can(:

Saturday, January 21, 2006 { 4:17 AM }

what a tiring day today. early in the morning met at the broadrick bus-stop with xueli. then we walked into school so that we can then meet jack and jianan. so i guess we were slightly earlier then them*grins*. there were ncc people, npcc people(us), st johns' people and the guides. so later we went to take attendence. at first ms adri told us that the bus would come at about 8, but no. it came at about 7.39 like that..then we figured out maybe it's a bit of a lao kok kok bus, so it has to come earlier so that we may reach on time. went we reached sentosa, we were the earliest school there. wow. so sat there from about 8.10 like that, to about 9 something. wow..what a nice wait. then we saw another school going sentosa for picnic. cool man. later the guy came with our tickets, so we walked to dolphin lagoon to meet the other schools. there, we were given a t-shirt. as there's only yellow t left, we had to choose that. at first i wanted a large shirt..but then that person say s would fit me..so i wore s. and s turned out to be very big. so we assemble there and sat down to eat. delifrance muffins and a bottle of sentosa water. hahaas. after eating, we were like suppose to sit in a circle and play some games like the other schools, but we were like so quite.those ncc people kept playing with the sand, say dont know what build a cchms reservior. hahaas. weird. after that we were like gathered in our different schools. because there are too many people in the game, xueli and jianan had to become station masters instead. haiz..because they only needed npcc or st john. so no choice there's only four of us what. ok. then they ask us to run to the PLs we want, so after the falg us off, me and jack went to a PL and stood there. soon, some people came to join us. and we formed a group. but then later, they say there's no guy in our group, so they changed someone over. then we introduced ourselves. soon the games started. we were given 7 clues, then we have to go to those stations. so we decided to go to the furtherest station first, then later slowly come back. we took the wrong line for the first station, so we had to change bus line. from yellow to blue. then later we got the hang out of it. at the second station, i was like blind folded, then my group mates had to direct me to a ball and pass it to that station master. so we did it. within 4 mins 55 s. 5 secs more, then we'll fail at this station. hahaas. but ok..we didnt. i kept banging into bushes. at first i was worried, but later i trusted them..so i walked a bit faster. at the third station, we had to build two lines with our belonging, so me and jack took off our slacks and our group added things like punchos, hats, bags, handphones, wallets. we managed to finish it. and went on to the fourth station, which is..the butterfly park. we are suppose to match those posters. one person will go and unfold two posters. if they matches, then leave it open, but if they dont, then must let other group members go. i opened one poster, then i found out that i shouldnt have opend that. instead, i should have opened another one..but too bad. i cant redo it): so i went another time to redeem myself. after this, we walked to the next station. i and jack suppose to shout the clues out and let the others find. i shout until like dont know what like that..funny. we went back to the tree that zoey tay took. that's the clue. at the very beginning of the game, when we were on the yellow bus, we saw people at the park. we wanted to stop, but cant. so we went back later. we had to draw and then the others guess. the only guy in our group was "forced" to draw. hahaas. because we said we dont know how to draw. then all the answers all weird weird one. cannot draw out. but in the end we managed to finish it. but we were later then the other group who was like challenging us. i met Andrea, my ps schoolmate.after that we took the bus back to dolphin lagoon. where we are like suppose to go across a hang bridge to the other side of the beach.so funny. because it's like a water game,then we had to take off our shoes..must us sponges to fill the pail with water so that the ping pong ball will come out. hahaas. we did that and went back to the place we started off. then there was this sentence we had to rearrange. we was the 5th group who returned with a timing of 2h 37mins and dont know what secs. not bad lar..then me and jack went to wash our legs as it was filled with sand. so dirty. later we settled down to eat lunch. i dont understand why they must like order curry chicken. haiz..after eating we had reflections. we had to sit in our groups and write dwon what we learnt. i volunteered to present because i ddint want to think. but in the end jia hui went up instead for me. hahas. but i still have to go, because i promised. so both of us went up. he talked and i just stood there and hold onto the piece of paper. hahaas. dont need to talk(: soon it's prize presentation. our groupgot 5th. and received a lot of rubbish. we still had to take a group photo. wakaka. i hate taking photos, but now i kind of liked it a bit. so everything came to an end at about 4. and we sat there to wait for the bus to come pick us. in the end all the other schools left except for us, so those police officers gave the bus to us. so we managed to go back to school earlier. mom came to fetch me because on the way back to school, i rained heavily. what an amazing race!

Friday, January 20, 2006 { 6:14 AM }

lessons are boring. argh. esp maths. both a and e. whahahas. i love e.lit! muacks! heheex. and english too(: ms adri was like telling us,"if you decided to stop reading when you see the first few pages, then you are not giving narayan a chance, you are not giving me a chance, and most importantly, you are not giving yorself a chance." that i find it esp true. i shall go and give him a chance. but from the beginning when i have decided to go for lit, i have already given myself that chance and of course narayan. but i tell you, i'll sure love mr shakespearse. ok. today the np ok lar...but pt run a bit faster and longer distance. haiz..so tiring. those sec 1s come in le. that time we come in also have to start pt on the first activity what..how come nowadays those sec one no longer have to follow our footsteps eh? nevermind, shouldnt be so petty. heheex. then today we learn rusok and dunt know the other one. then jonathan nco ask those who didnt come to tell the reason, then vv funny, i said i went to see doc. he asked for my mc, then i said i went to see zhong1 yi1. so funny. -_-" but the ncos keep like pumping us like that. but today better lar..only 20.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 { 3:47 AM }

today was such agony. having embarrassing thing occurring is definitely not something good. and it happened all over again, and this time, it was so obvious. oh mien..lessonsare quite ok. without having two maths and two sciences together is a blessing, but most of the time, we'll have both on the same day. and the test today was pushed backward to tomorrow, so later must go and study again. and english we had a competition for the vocab book thingy. guess what? our gropu emerge as the overall winner this time. last time we were the last. and it was all thanks to si min, who so eagerly did the book until week 6. hhahaas. i hope tomorrow rains. sigh..when it rains early in the morning, i believe it's a good onmen, because it'll be a nice day(: after school walked out with ying wei and qin yi. they are so nice! i'm like liking hm more and more. i love hm! hahaas..the people there are all so friendly. but i;m very worried about the class deco thingy though. i'm worried we cant finish it and we're like spending too much money on it..seriously. i hope we can win this time the competition, but with me in-charge of it, how can we like win it huh? weird. aiyah..anyway, just hope we can win lorz...

Saturday, January 07, 2006 { 8:28 PM }

i sometimes quiry my existence. i dont know if i ever existed or even is existing. sometimes i feel that i dont exist. i mean..sometimes i look invisible, transparent..even if i'm there, i looked as though i'm not there. i dont know how to explain this, but everything is so complicated. yesterday went back for cca orientation day. we had to fall in in pt kit. at first i though we neednt change into full u, but in the end, we did. we were divided into groups to do some field cooking. but in the end left only 6 person, me and xueli and some other squadmates. the rest went to march. hahaas. so i guess it's something good. we cooked some funny dishes, but we didnt include sardines(: which is a good thing. ok..we didnt get to eat. instead it was like given to those sec 1s to try. after field cooking, we were suppose to fall in the others, so we changed into full u. we took like about half an hour. hahaas. so long. but those ncos didnt scold us *grins*. so we fall in and did baton drills. laterit rained even more heavily, so we went into concourse and did arms drills, with a real rifle. so heavy. after that we returned the arms and were march back to 32 classroom blcok. there we had uniform checks. and i was so angry. i polished my boots and they say i didnt. walao eh..so angry with that person kkx? when you tried hard for something, and still you got scolded for not trying, it's really sad. i was so angry! and we needed to do 110 push ups. we returned 60, left about 50. and those 60 were like retuned by pumpings, star jumps and dont know what. so idiotic. and so tiring.

Thursday, January 05, 2006 { 5:52 AM }

it's like the fourthday of school and everything just go on and on. like there's never been a stop, no holidays, no nothing. life is back to normal. i'm really missing those days when i stay at home and act like one pig. sigh..my class looks weird. so are the people in it (and that definitely includes me because i'm weird). some of them are..i dont know how to describe to you..but yes..weird. but i kind of like my class. besides, we're going to stay like this for..at least two years right? seriously, i dont like some part of my class. i dont like everything of it, but i dont hate. because i'm filled with love. i only dont like. hahaas. it doesn't make any sense to you does it? but it sure does, to me. lessons been fast and busy. velosity vs verbosity. we're rushing for time ain't we? sec four is like round the corner..is it? a lot of activities and homework..lessons are imbearable. and our teachers are mostly ok..besides..some. hahaas. i'm having headaches more often then ever and i look sickly. i often wonder if i'm sick inside. i can't breathe after climbing 6 flights of stairs..i'm useless. sigh..and i'm often bullied. yes. bullied. during english lessons yesterday, while we were introducing ourselves, there was this girl who's scared of insects, just like me. so ms pererira asked us.."who's scared of insects?" i raised my hands and i'm the only pathetic and useless one. and then she continued.."there's thisinsect.." and i spotted one green coloured thing flying around. i screamed and definitely regretted it right that instance. awww..i'm dumb. everyone laughed. maybe not everyone because people think i'm stupid and a scardy cat. okies..i admit. i'm one(: then while listening to lessons, bi ran sprayed water at me. so i snatched the waterbottle. si min wanted o declare war. okies..so war began. i turned over and snatched everything on the table. i refused to return..ok. and they were like showing my ez-link cards around. i dont care! besides i look horrible inside..then when i was putting bi ran pencilbox on my lap, she snatched it and for the second time, i screamed again. shacks..things just sounds so stupid doesnt it. and i was like..er..embarrassed. sigh..i'm not looking forward for more lessons, sec three life seems difficult and heavy workload is killing me..leaving me dried up and full of agonied. but i'll never be filled with hatred towards the world. i'm filled with love..even if life's been bad, i'll not despair. i'll learn to love it..although life might not nice. i can don't like, but i can't hate. hate is a word that is so strong, it can hurt sometimes. i've hated..i'm came across this part of life. dead. but i'm revived! optimistic fellow. although i'm still a bit pessimistic.